Sesshomaru's Past
by Indompte
Summary: Why is Sesshomaru the way he is? Why is he so cold, emotionless, and everything else that makes him what he is? This is Sesshomaru's story, rated T for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**It's hard to believe that a cold, expressionless, all together scary demon could start out on the best foot in life and still turn out the way he did. Where did his parents go wrong? Was it his fault, or is there someone else to blame? Did some tragic event change his life forever? Sesshomaru's life is now at hand…**

I really hope this is somewhat interesting and I would really appreciate reviews. So here we go…

* * *

The cry of a newborn infant tore through the tense night air surrounding the large castle in which a dog demon paced the corridors, suddenly stopping as the sound echoed towards him. His body quivered in barely restrained excitement and he rushed through the halls to the door the sound had come from; his heart was racing, his fingers were nervously tapping against each other, he hadn't realized it but he had been holding his breath until he let out a long sigh when the door slid open to reveal an old female dog demon, her eyes shinning warmly with welcoming as she ushered her lord in.

He said nothing to the kindly old demon but instead slowly made his way across the space between the door and the bed pushed up against the wall, his silver haired mate sitting on the bed with a bundle of blankets in her arms. The dog demon lord anxiously watched as her golden eyes met his and she smiled weakly, probably exhausted from the five hours she had been in labor with their first child.

"He's gorgeous," she said with another small smile as she tilted the blanket up to show the little dog demon nestled in the safety and warmth of the blanket, his eyes shut but it was clear what color they would be. The dog demon lord froze, his heart beating madly in his chest as those little eyelids lifted to show magnificent golden eyes staring back at him; he could have sworn he was looking into a mirror of a smaller version of himself, except for the crescent moon adorning his forehead that he had inherited from his mother. The stripes on the side of his cheeks, instead of jagged and blue like his father's were a deep crimson red and were perfectly straight; he had the same triangular face a his father too, the same eyes, the same facial expression, the same silver hair, the same…everything.

"Take your son," Lord Inutaisho blinked at his mate, her eyes lighting up with amusement at his fearful look but she encouraged him enough and eventually he brought his arms out to cradle the babe. The little dog demon looked up at his father, his eyes wide and searching, and an automatic smile flowed across the dog demon lord's face. "Do you need anything, m'lady?" Inutaisho hardly heard the servant girl ask his mate and he didn't hear what his mate had responded, he was solely concentrated on his son as he wandered away from the bed to start walking around the room, calming the child until he closed his eyes.

Inutaisho grinned softly and ran a clawed finger down his sons face and was mildly surprised when the pup latched on to his finger with a strong grip. The baby shook it back and forth, inspected it meticulously, even jerked it back when his father tried to take it out of his grasp; Inutaisho couldn't hold it in any longer and gave a soft laugh. "Did you hear me?" he turned around and was met with the slightly smiling face of his mate, knowing he hadn't paid attention to what she had been saying and slowly returning back to her side. He hesitantly gave back his son and leaned over his mate to place a tender kiss on her head to which she lifted to his lips.

"I asked you what we should name him," she said when she broke the kiss and stared down at the pup in her arms beginning to curl his little body towards her for warmth as he slept. "I suppose we should have thought of something before he came," his mate ran her finger through her sons perfect silver hair, the same as both his parents, and smiled lightly up at her husband.

"I've thought of something, but only if you have not thought of anything to name him." He sighed deeply in thought and brushed a strand of hair away from his mate's face.

"Alright then, what did you have?" she rocked her son back and forth to help him sleep and kissed his forehead directly on the crescent moon, making him wrinkle his brow irritably. "Sesshomaru," Inutaisho looked down at her in surprise the looked at his son, his peaceful face and even breathing indicating to his serene sleep, and wondered how such a perfect being could live up to that name. "Sesshomaru," he repeated as he touched his sons face with his claw.

"Sesshomaru."

* * *

**A/N **Sesshomaru means 'the destruction of life'

I'm not exactly clear on the whole meaning if you split his name up but I do know what it means

Rates and reviews are greatly appreciated.


	2. Growing Up

And here we go for a second time, hope you enjoy.

* * *

It was never supposed to turn out this way. It was no one's intention that it had come to this. It just simply wasn't supposed to happen. He refused to call it an accident or a fluke, how could he call something so dear to his heart a mistake? No, that little 'fluke' was what he breathed for, what he lived for, what he woke up every morning to see, all snuggled up in his crib until he scented him their, then his eyes would appear from under the silver hair that shielded his face and he would coo and giggle for his father to pick him up. It was the only thing that he had ever wanted to protect or keep happy; he had had no need when he had taken a mate, he knew she was capable of taking care of herself. He was still unable to believe that he had created something so naturally perfect, it wasn't even real to him.

Of course his mate had always scolded him gently, saying it wasn't only he that had made that wonderful little thing that could now smile and giggle and roll over from his tummy to his back. In a way, he was more like his mother than anything, with his inquisitive stares, his many expressions, and the way he would calmly cry, even if he was hungry or tired of playing peek-a-boo.

One thing did stand out about him though, something that was exactly like his father: the way he would fight when he was angry. Even as a four month old he had found out what worked with his parents, especially when he was in a fit of rage. He would bite sometimes when he didn't like who was handling him, which very rarely ever happened to be anyone else besides his parents, and he would scratch with his developing claws, occasionally leaving marks. Inutaisho could see himself, and his mate, shinning within his son's personality already, and he secretly couldn't wait until the time would come when little Sesshomaru would be walking, talking, fighting, and doing everything that Inutaisho had done when he had grown up.

On this day, Sesshomaru was sitting with his mother in the study room, quietly chewing on his favorite toy while his mother read a book and every so often played with her son on the floor.

"Sesshomaru, who is my little warrior?"

Sesshomaru smiled up at her and flailed his arms around with a giggle, making his mother laugh right along as she kissed him on the nose. As he normally did, Sesshomaru reached up and tugged on her hair, inspecting it with wide golden eyes and finally sticking it in his mouth and chewing on it. "I thought I had that bear around here somewhere. Ah, here Sesshomaru, I'll trade you."

The four month old looked up at her, uninterested in the bear, and continued to slobber all over his mothers perfectly kept silver hair until the door to the study squeaked open and Inutaisho came in, distracting Sesshomaru long enough for his mother to pull out of his tight grip. "Would you play with him for a few minutes? I'm almost done, and then I'll get him something to eat." Inutaisho gave his mate a soft kiss and knelt beside Sesshomaru, his son reaching up towards him as he cooed for his attention.

"Well Sesshomaru, what shall we talk about today? How about how your mother and I met, now that's a good story," Sesshomaru obviously agreed by the way he made a loud coo and smiled at his father but his mother put her book down and looked at her mate with fake disapproving eyes. "Inutaisho, he's heard that since the day he was born, how about you tell him something new? Here I'll take him,"

Inutaisho moved his arms just as his mate approached him and smiled mischievously, unwilling to give back his son without a fight. "Inutaisho, give him." A smile broke out on both of Sesshomaru's parents faces but the baby was unaware that it was just a play fight and growled like he had heard his father do countless times to settle him down; his mother smiled and laughed at this and again lunged for her son.

Inutaisho placed Sesshomaru down in his crib and chased his mate around the study room, enjoying the very rare moment that they ever got to be a little less than diplomatic and professional. Just as Inutaisho caught his wife and dipped her to the floor with a passionate kiss the door to the study swung open to reveal the chief commander to the Lord of the Western Lands army, his face slightly shocked until he regained his composure and marched over to his Lord. "My Lord, news from the fourth regiment in the Northern Lands." Inutaisho despondently reached for the parchment and dismissed his commander while his mate picked up Sesshomaru, his eyes wide from watching his parents spin around the room like his favored mobile's above his crib, the ones that had two dog demons an two horses on it, the one he got to see just before he went to bed, the one that his mother would always sing with and keep going until he fell asleep…

"It looks as if the regiment might need reinforcements," Inutaisho said as he leaned over his wife's shoulder to peer down at the little dog demon now yawning and stretching. "Will you be leaving?" The dog demon lord placed a comforting hand on his mate's shoulder and looked down at his son, his eyes slowly shutting like they normally did during this time of the day, and finally he looked up to his mate's eyes shinning dimly with pain and sadness. "I promise I'll be back before he takes his first step," they both knew that was probably a hollow promise; sometimes battles like this took him away from his home in the west for far longer than a few months, but he would do all that was in his power to be back before his son was able to walk on his own. "Please, Inutaisho, be safe. Sesshomaru and I will be right here when you get back."

And that was how it started, the love, the care, the gentleness, the tenderness, the needing, and the innocence. Sesshomaru, however, didn't know how things were going to end up, nor did anyone else, all's the little heir to the Western Lands cared about was getting a hold of his mothers hair again.

* * *

**A/N **This was kind of a useless chapter but I just wanted to touch base of how Sesshomaru grew up when he wasn't very old.

I don't think his mother's name was ever mentioned in the magna either so sorry for not filling that in.


	3. Like Father like Son

I thought that a young Sesshomaru would be a nice subject to touch up on so here it is with Sesshomaru's point of view. Sesshomaru is eight years old in this part, by the way. Enjoy.

* * *

It must have been wrong. Yes, that was it, I was just wrong, that was all. Why was he staring at me like that? He was starting to make me uncomfortable with that intense stare of his, the stare he only used if I was really in trouble. It was innocent; I had just wanted to touch it, no harm in that, right? But he looked like I had done something truly bad, as if I had just ripped up one of Mother's beautiful kimonos, or as if I had dropped one of the many precious vases in the house, or as if I had touched one of his infamous swords. Alright, so I had touched that sword, the sword he had constantly reminded me not to touch, and maybe I had swung it around a few times just to try it and in the process sliced through one of the kimonos hanging near the door and knocked off the marble vase sitting next to the desk. Maybe that's why he was mad at me, maybe that was why his unblinking eyes seemed to bore into my soul, maybe that was why he had grabbed me roughly from the back of my kimono and lifted me up to his eye level just to get his point across. I tried my most useful weapon; it had gotten me out of countless messes with Mother, why shouldn't it work on him too; I smiled innocently. The end of his mouth twitched and at last I thought I had succeeded, but it was only his lip curling back in frustration and still he didn't release me or stop staring at me. "Sesshomaru," his voice was a dangerous growl and I blinked in confusion; it always, without fail, worked on Mother, why had he not dropped me and called in a servant to fix it like she would have? "I told you not to come in here unless your mother or I come with you." That was true enough, both Father and Mother had warned me sufficiently enough for it to sink in that I was not to go anywhere near the war room unless I had someone with me, preferably my parents. But I had been curious; could he really blame me for that?

"But Father-"

"No Sesshomaru, look what you've done."

We both turned to the room; it looked as if a whole troop of dog demons had stormed through the place; important papers were scattered over the once neat floor, a candle stick lay still burning on the floor after I had cut it in half, Mother's kimono lay in tatters on the couch, that priceless vase was in several pieces next to the large desk in the center of the room; I smiled again. "Give him a chance to explain, Inutaisho."

Thank all that was sacred and holy in the world, Mother had arrived! Father sighed heavily and placed me back on the ground, his eyes still fixed on me and I looked up at Mother, hoping desperately she would get me out of it but she simply shook her head and nodded to Father. I stared at the ground for a while then turned to the room again, feeling for the first time almost regretful that I had picked up that sword.

"Father, please forgive me, I only wanted to be strong like you. I thought that if I could wield the same sword as you that I could be like you, and Mother, I'm sorry I broke the vase and…shredded your kimono."

I looked up again to meet Mother's soft eyes and Father's still glowing amber orbs. "Sesshomaru, for further reference, please stay out of this room. Now run along, you have your studies to attend to." Why was Father so much harder to crack than Mother, I wondered as I walked despondently down the hall to my lessons for the day. Mother always let me get away with things, like if I wanted to lay out beneath the cherry blossom trees at night time she would allow me and even accompany me, if I needed an extra song before bedtime she would sing it to me and sometimes fall asleep next to me, if I ever wanted to sit on her lap and ask her simple questions she wouldn't deny me it. Of course Father had let me do those things too, but only sometimes and he would do them with hesitance and he never came with me.

"Sesshomaru, did you find the answer?" I looked up to my dreadfully boring teacher and flicked my claw at my desk. "I don't know. Is it the Northern Lands?"

"Yes." I was surprised at my luck and nodded, promising myself to pay more attention when the next question came.

"We've been warring with the Northern Lands for over eight years now. When your father first established the war he was more than happy to walk along his soldiers but then your mother came along, and then you." He seemed plenty happy to talk about how my parents met but I had heard the story numerous times so I dozed off into my own dreams and shut my eyes, that is until the door opened and there stood Jaken, my Father's so called faithful servant. Personally I found him annoying and I never liked him but the little green imp was useful when the time came for him to be. "Lord Sesshomaru, your mother asks that you meet her downstairs." I instantly jumped to my feet and ran out of the room, not passing up the chance to hit Jaken on the head with my fist, and briskly made my way down the stairs to see Mother there waiting for me with a kind smile. "How were your studies?" I knew I should have had an intelligent answer waiting for her but instead I shrugged and asked her what she needed me for. "I thought you might want to take a ride on Ah-Un, I'm sure he'll be more than happy to see you again."

I couldn't help the smile that tinged my lips at the thought of the two-headed dragon demon that came and went as he pleased on the Western Lands. He was tall, bulky and best of all we got along quite well; I grabbed Mother's hands and ran outside in excitement. Luckily Ah-Un was only napping beneath the heavy shade of the cherry blossom trees but when he scented us he raised one head and wailed low in greeting.

"Hello Ah-Un, are you ready to go?" his other head rose and a long, wet tongue lolled out of his mouth and stretched across my face in friendly greeting while Mother laughed. "Alright Sesshomaru, come along." I eagerly sat on the dragon's saddle and with a little push he took off from the ground and soon everything was a little speck from the high altitude the demon flew from. "I remember when I first met Ah-Un," Mother said thoughtfully as she stared past the cloud covering below us then smiled at me; I smiled back, ready for the story and crowded closer to her. "It wasn't long after I first met your father. He brought me here to the castle and Ah-Un was grazing nearby, right at the spot we found him today. Your father told me to shut my eyes and reach out and when I felt scales underneath my hand I was so shocked that I almost screamed." I couldn't control the giggle that rose in my throat and Mother too looked pleased that she had made me happy. "Your father encouraged me to pet him and I did, but I was still very scared of him. When I finally pet his head, Ah-Un licked me like he did to you and I yelled out in fright. I ran away from him and your father had to track me down and drag me back just to get me to look at him." I laughed again and Mother smiled before kissing my head and tickling me like she always did when we would laugh like this.

"Look down there," I looked, half out of breath and still sore from laughing, and saw a tall oak tree rising from the earth and piercing the sky with its many bushy-leaved branches. "Ah-Un, take us down there." The dragon did as Mother asked and we landed near the base of the tree; I was shocked to see how tall it really was, even when I craned my neck back I couldn't see the top. Mother went up to the tree and rubbed its soft surface with the flat of her hand, something like longing and carefully measured happiness in her gaze. "This is where your father and I first met," she explained when she caught me staring at her in confusion and she sat down on one of the roots protruding from the ground and offered me to sit next to her, which I did. "Not far from here is where I grew up. I came out here one night after a banquet and your father followed me. That was the first time we formally met, anyway, but you knew that already."

I nodded; it was almost the only story Father told me no matter how many times I told him I had heard it already. "Well, it's getting late, we should be getting back." I took one more glance at the huge tree behind us before boarding Ah-Un as he leapt into the sky with little effort. "Go get washed up, I think dinner will be ready soon." I patted Ah-Un in thanks and ran up the stairs to my room where I changed into a different kimono and washed up as Mother had instructed.

* * *

"Sleep well Sesshomaru," Mother kissed me on the head as she did every night before blowing the candle out on my nightstand and exiting my room with a farewell smile. I smiled back and pulled my covers up to my chin, but the sudden scent drifting in on the wind from my open balcony window made my nose twitch in questioning. I knew Mother wouldn't approve of it but I got out of bed and quietly snuck out to the balcony, searching the land below it until I pinpointed the scents owner.

Why was Father sitting beneath the cherry blossom trees, just looking at the moon? I looked behind me as if I expected Mother to be there with a scolding look but nothing except the darkness of my room met me so with a few scrambling steps I managed to jump up on the railing and land on the ground below a little ungracefully. I walked through the thick pink blossomed trees and looked around one of them to peer at my father. He was just sitting on the ground staring at the moon until he scented me there and turned to me. "Sesshomaru," I stiffened and slowly walked from behind the tree, my eyes fixed on the ground and my hands at my sides. "Come sit with me."

I couldn't deny that I was slightly shocked at his offer but I complied and sat beside him to look at the moon just as he was. Several tense seconds dragged by before he said anything but still he didn't move his gaze from the moon. "I'm not angry with you for what happened today. I was worried that you had hurt yourself with that sword. Soun'ga is a demon sword, Sesshomaru, and it might have possessed you or done something much worse. I want you to be safe, my son." I looked up at him incredulously; he had never said something like that before and to say it now was very out of place. I looked away and then back at him, suddenly at a lost for words.

"Thank you Father." I didn't know what had over come me but I gently laid my head on his arm and closed my eyes, now feeling drowsy as he lifted me up and placed me in his lap so I would be more comfortable. "Have I ever told you how I managed to get Soun'ga?" I smiled softly and leaned against him with a yawn.

"No, papa, not lately."


	4. Mother's Unhappiness

Sorry this is pretty late, I've been busy over the past days and…never mind, you aren't here for that. This is when Sesshomaru is about ten or elven, still pretty little.

Thanks for all the reviews, they're great.

Mother's Unhappiness

* * *

Both Mother and Father were lying. I could see it in there eyes, the way they spoke, how they tried to hide every little touch of love for each other, knowing that they wouldn't see each other for quite some time. "Take me with you," I had insisted to Father when he had strapped on Soun'ga and situated his armor before falling to one knee in front of me and cupping my face in one hand. "It won't be too much longer before you join me, Sesshomaru. For now you must stay with your mother and protect her." I knew Mother nor anyone else in the castle was in any danger; all the warring was in the Northern Lands, not here where the most danger ever seen was if we had bad weather. Father was just saying that to make me feel important, like I had some value to the castle while he was gone.

He smiled lightly before rising again and picking me up, his strong arms wrapping around me in a lingering hug but I couldn't deny that I was very uncomfortable from being pressed into the spiky armor of his breastplate.

I held through the pain and returned his affection, hoping it wouldn't be long before he would return and we would spar together again like we usually did at this time of day. "Good-bye," Mother had whispered to Father as she tucked a silver strand of hair behind his ear and kissed him gently on the cheek. I turned away, a little embarrassed and wanting to give them there privacy, and went to the main doors to await Father. "Lord Sesshomaru, how are you this morning?" I shot an irritable glare at Jaken as he approached and murmured something about being fine or happy, something to please the annoying imp and to make sure he wouldn't press me any farther.

"Keep me in your thoughts Sesshomaru, for you will never leave mine." Father stood in the sunlight as he swung open the main gates, the golden rays piercing his hair and turning it into a silver halo around his head. Resisting the urge to cry, I padded up to him one more time and wrapped my little arms half way around him and rested my head on his stomach, the tallest I came up on his great stature.

"Sesshomaru,"

He had smelled it, I just knew it; the salty smell of my tears had reached his sensitive nose. I wiped my eyes as he kneeled in front of me, also refusing to look at him as he grasped my shoulders and forced my gaze to his, his own eyes glistening with sadness and regret. "When I get back, we'll do something very special together, just you and me." It did little to stop the aching in my heart but I nodded and hugged him once more, nestling into his neck and squeezing him as tightly as I could muster. "Good-bye, Father."

Mother and I watched him depart through the forest, his strong frame soon disappearing among the shadows of the trees, and eventually we turned away back to the castle.

* * *

Mother didn't look happy as she looked out of the window of their room, her amber shaded eyes fixed on something only she could see but pain and sadness was evident in the copper pools. "Mother, are you worried that Father won't return?" she looked down at me as if she had just noticed I was there even though I had been in her room for a few hours and smiled a sad smile at me. "No Sesshomaru, I know he'll return to us. But I can't help worrying for him." What was that, that knew emotion that crept across her beautiful face? I had never seen it before, at least not on Mother. Of course I had seen it with Jaken when he had attempted to skirt around the truth with me to try and keep me ignorant of something but Mother's eyes had never reflected it; she was lying.

I knew better than to ask what was bothering her but it deeply disturbed me to see that she looked so worn out and pained. It wasn't the usual kind of sadness I saw on here either; it was like a whole new emotion I had been introduced to. Would Mother really expect me not to wonder why she was acting like this, or would she simply think I didn't notice and continue to stare out the window? She did as I assumed she would, she let her gaze fall out to the cherry blossom trees below and resumed her search for Father; tonight would be the night he was scheduled to come home after six months at war. A sudden scent creased the air and my thought had been confirmed when I leaned out the window with Mother only to see the silhouette of a familiar silver haired youkai.

"Father!" I jumped away from the window sill and rushed out to greet him at the front gates.

Father walked in as if nothing had changed, as if he hadn't been away for those long miserable months and scooped me up in his arms with a twirl. "Sesshomaru! My how you've grown," I didn't mind the embarrassment as he threw me in the air and caught me repeatedly until Mother came in to greet her husband. I stood back, wriggling in excitement, and watched curiously as Mother walked up to him and slowly brought him into a hesitant hug.

What was she doing, I wondered as I averted my gaze thoughtfully. Wasn't she glad he was home, I certainly was. "Sesshomaru, come here." Father kneeled in front of me and dug in his kimono for something; I couldn't hold back the shiver of anticipation that flooded my body. Mother was starring at us with an unblinking almost cold amber gaze that sent a shockwave of discomfort up my body. Mother had never looked so…mean as she finally batted her eyelashes a few times and smiled down at me, finally catching my look at her.

I wondered if it was just my imagination of that look on Mother's face but I couldn't help thinking she was possibly angry with me…or was it Father she was displeased with? "I wanted to give this to you." I could tell I had looked shocked from the amusement that passed over Father's expression as he held a silk pelt out to me oddly resembling his own. "Father," I breathed as I picked up the soft fluffy pelt and draped it over my right shoulder, admiring the way it seemed so light at touch but was actually considerably heavy. "Come to dinner, Inutaisho, we have much to talk about." I walked down the hall with Father at my side and Mother in front of us, eager to hear the stories that Father had brought back with him from the Northern Lands.

* * *

"And then I took out Soun'ga and smote him where he stood, and the last of the resistance was taken care of." I released my lip from an unmerciful row of front teeth and leaned back on my pillow, my mind racing with how Father had destroyed the resisting army in the Northern Lands. "Inutaisho, he doesn't need those sorts of stories right before he goes to bed, he'll have bad dreams." Mother looked much happier than she did before dinner as she sat beside Father at the side of my bed and kissed my forehead. "Sleep well Sesshomaru."

"But I'm not tired! I want to hear how Father-"

"Sesshomaru," Mother looked at me in a half stern half amused way.

"Both you and your Father need rest. Besides, I'm sure he'll tell you all about it tomorrow." Father and I gave a reluctant sigh at the same time and Mother rolled her eyes. "Goodnight Sesshomaru. Don't forget I have something special planned for the two of us tomorrow, so get plenty of rest." Father winked as he blew the candle out on my bed side table and together he and Mother exited my room. Pulling up the covers to my chin, I closed my eyes and rolled over, excited for tomorrow yet still apprehensive about how Mother had looked; that deep unsettling feeling rising again.


	5. The Power To Bewitch

So this ones a little long but it explains a lot of Sesshomaru in the later adolescent years. Once again, can't say how much I appreciate the reviews.

The Power to Bewitch

* * *

I tried to pay attention to every little scuffle of his foot, signaling he would soon attack, the twitch of his sword in his hand, knowing it would be poised for me, the rigid hold he had on his muscles that would ease when he rushed at me. We waited several minutes in the quiet of the bright courtyard with our swords half raised and our feet in the same stance; leaves fell all around me, making the sound of a loud boom in my sensitive ears and when a new scent began to weave its way towards me I couldn't help but take a glance to my left.

She was merely curious, just watching us as she sometimes did, and when I glanced back at Father he was still starring at her with his golden eyes turned away from me; now was the time. The blade suddenly felt light in my hand as I rushed at him and thrust it towards the only unarmored place on him; his arms. I let a slight satisfied smile play over my lips when I saw the shock in his eyes that I was right there and then the even more surprised expression when he discovered I had made a hit on his arm. He too smiled when he turned around to face me, his sleeve already turning a vivid crimson color, and raced forward to rake his own sword at my arm.

Fortunately I was smart enough to abandon my sword on the ground, or else he would have made contact and it would have been more than just a scrape, and as he landed on the ground where I had stood moments ago I released the poison from my claws into a long lashing whip. Father didn't look surprised this time as he jumped back and blocked the green acid that waved back and forth at him in the air; I allowed myself one more smile, for I was winning.

"Don't be so arrogant," the whisper lasted only a second in my ear before I was pummeled into the ground. I blinked twice to clear the dirt away from my face and glared up at whoever had tackled me, only to find myself staring back at warm amber eyes. "You cheated," she said as she got up and offered me her hand which I didn't take. "And you call pushing me into the ground while I'm about to win not cheating?"

I usually wasn't this snappish with Mother but I hated to lose a battle, especially one against Father. "Well done Sesshomaru, I'm proud of you." A slight embarrassed flush made it self apparent on my face as Father clasped his hand on my shoulder and smiled gently. "You need to be tended for that cut, Inutaisho. And you need to get ready Sesshomaru."

I rolled my eyes stubbornly as we walked down the corridor leading to the inside of the castle and away from the courtyard outside when Father yawned and stretched his tired muscles. "If I had been paying attention this wouldn't have happened. I guess you inherited my knack for being stealthy," I again blushed from his praise and turned a bright red color when Mother continued. "Don't leave me out. I'm the one he inherited his poison claws from, that of which you almost lost to…"

They continued to have a friendly argument about the battle while I quickly excused myself from their presence, escaping to the haven known as my room. The walls were a light cream color that reflected the beauty of a snowfall when the sunrise first broke the clouds of the morning. My bed, as it had been since I was born, was pushed against the far corner on the left side of the room next to the window and, as it usually was, had been made this morning by one of the servants.

I walked over to the wardrobe next to the door and set my sword leaning against it then glanced at the hall leading down to bathroom. It was next to my bed, the little open hallway that led to the hot springs, and I momentarily considered jumping into the welcoming water when the door squeaked open. It was a servant, and she barely glanced at me as she looked up from closing the door. The sudden flare of a blush told me she hadn't expected to see me standing there as she took a hesitant step forward and cleared her throat.

"L-Lord Sesshomaru, I wasn't expecting you to b-be here."

If her voice hadn't cracked at the end I had been sure I could have held it together but the innocence in her emerald green eyes and the still glowing red in her cheeks made a smile play over my lips which obviously shocked her. She was a maid I saw quite often around the castle- in a way we had grown up together- but if you asked I wouldn't be able to tell you her name. "I was sent here to pick out your wardrobe for the banquet." Her voice was calmly quiet now as she stared at the ground, her hands folded in front of here and her midnight colored hair making a veil around her face. I couldn't deny that she was very charming and, though I wasn't sure why I used the word, almost beautiful, but I hated admitting that much. "I think I can handle it,"

Her head shot up and evident worry invaded the space in her eyes where the innocence had been. "I'm sorry, My Lord, but I had direct orders to do so. I could help, if you like."

I could tell her words surprised her more than they did me but I dipped my head and strode towards her. "Very well then," She slowly turned around to the wardrobe and opened it, her hands shaking all the while, though I couldn't tell if it was from my nearness or because she continued to sniff the air to bring in my scent. I loved the continuing blush that crept across her face, the hammering of her heart, the rush of her blood, the shakiness she was experiencing now as her hand accidently brushed my own. I had never known I had had such an effect on her, or anyone for that matter, but experimenting on the young demoness could be somewhat entertaining.

"This would look nice," she murmured as she picked up a formal black kimono, one that looked like a duplicate of the one I was wearing under my armor, and put it to my chest while her eyes met mine. The shyness and the nervousness were still there but she seemed to gain some confidence as a small smile flowed over my lips and she returned it. "I agree. You have good taste," she looked away from me and walked quickly, a little too quickly, to my bed to place the black suit on it and walk towards the door.

She was obviously waiting for me to dismiss her as she stood by the door and her gaze wavered into curiousness as she stared at me. I had no intentions on releasing her just yet, my experiment wasn't over with and until it was I would keep her here.

"So will you be there tonight?" she looked genuinely shocked at my words as she cocked her head and the blush fell from her face. "The banquet, I mean."

"Oh, yes, I will be."

"I'm glad. Do you have anything to wear?"

"Um…well, no. But I won't really be attending, I'll just be there."

"How unfortunate. I'll have my mother find you something, does that sound alright?"

"Lord Sesshomaru, I…I couldn't accept your generosity, besides I'm working tonight."

"No, not tonight you aren't. I want to see you in a formal dress, if you don't mind my curtness."

"No, not at all. I…thank you, Lord Sesshomaru."

Without waiting for my dismissal she quickly exited the room and closed the door behind her; I couldn't help the small laugh that escaped my lips. So I had some sort of spiritual power that had bewitched her or…well, I didn't like to think of myself as appealing but I couldn't deny that that too was an option. "Lord Sesshomaru!" I recognized that awful screeching and knew who it was even before the door opened. "What, Jaken?"

The imp got down and began to bow repeatedly at my feet as he relayed his message. "Lord Inutoshio wants to see you downstairs at once, My Lord! He says it is deeply important!" Why did he have to yell everything, I could hear him perfectly fine without the screeching. "I'll be there, now leave." His face contorted into distress that I hadn't commended him in some way for bringing me the message from my father and my face hardened when he still sat there gaping up at me. "I said leave."

"Yes My Lord!" he hit the door on his desperate dash to get out of the room and fell back before apologizing and again running out of the room. I sighed in annoyance and looked back at the kimono on the bed. The power to bewitch women and frighten imps, yes, spiritual powers indeed; I chuckled again.

* * *

"Why would you want me to do that? I've never seen you take any interest in any woman before." Mother said curiously as I explained why I had wanted her to borrow out one of her kimono dresses. "Be that as it may, she just needs it for one night. Please Mother; you know how I hate to beg." Mother laughed in her melodic tone and retrieved a sky blue kimono out of her wardrobe. It fell to about the knee but had a longer train in the back and lace iced the whole dress from the V-neck collar to the ends of the hems. "I wouldn't want to have you beg," she said gently as she handed it to me and tucked a stray strand of silver hair behind my ear like she had when I was young. "I can't believe you're growing up so fast. Yesterday you were running down the halls with your father, trying to persuade him to let you spar with him."

"I still do that now," I muttered under my breath just loud enough for her to hear, which she did and laughed softly. "You had better go get ready and give the dress to that girl. I love you Sesshomaru." Why did Mother always have to put me in these difficult situations? She knew I didn't like to voice my emotions, yet she still found some way to make me say what I never wanted to. "I love you too, Mother." She smiled in satisfaction and I left the room, feeling slightly embarrassed.

* * *

"Lord Sesshomaru," Jaken breathed when he came into my room and I was dressed in the black kimono, no armor, no pelt, just a vulnerable black suit. "The banquet has started, My Lord." I nodded absentmindedly as I situated the last of the suit and looked back at Jaken who was no longer there. I had given Alicea, as I later found out was her name, the dress and my best wishes as I had gone back up to my room to change for my own celebration.

I was turning one hundred and twelve years old, or seventeen in human years. Both Father and Mother had decided that I should hold a banquet for the 'great celebration' and though I hadn't even so much as planned this night, the servants and Mother seemed to know exactly what to do. I walked down the large staircase to the room full of humans and demons alike after I was introduced and bowed eloquently.

Music played, people began to talk and I wove my way through everyone to find a nice secluded corner all to myself, not much in the mood to talk to anyone. I leaned against the dark wall I had found that no one paid any attention to when my eyes locked on a familiar face, though it didn't look so familiar now with her lips painted a cherry red color, her hair pinned up into a classy style, and a new dress draped over her small form that accented her graciously.

"Lord Sesshomaru," she said happily when she caught my stare and I felt an automatic smile flow over my lips as she approached. Her scent had changed, I noticed as she gazed up at me with her bright green gaze, it was more interesting now, like somehow she had become a new person. "Alicea, you look wonderful."

She blushed scarlet under my compliment but her smile remained intact. "Would you like to dance?" I wasn't sure where the words came from but she nodded vigorously and grabbed my hand, all traces of shyness disappearing. I placed one hand on her curved hip and one in her hand, feeling a slight spark when she touched my shoulder.

Was it just me or had the room become increasingly small…and hot…and empty…

"That was great! I really don't know how to dance so I'm glad you knew." I blinked down at her as she leaned against the wall with me, her cheeks still flushed but from the heat not a blush. The dance must have gone fast, I thought as I looked around, but I knew it was because I had been enjoying myself, not because we had been out there for only a few minutes. "I think I'm being called, so I'll be right back," she looked up uncertainly, her green eyes glimmering in the pale light of the chandelier. "I'll wait for you." That was obviously what she wanted to hear as she smiled lightly and went to help out with whatever needed tending.

"I never imagined you hanging around a servant girl, Sesshomaru." I turned to be met with the malicious stare of another dog demoness, her expression unsatisfied and her dark eyes glowering. Her hatred wasn't directed to me though, I noted as I looked to who she was fixing with the fury of her gaze- she was glaring at Alicea who was now helping pour cups of sake. "Rather distasteful, if you ask me."

"No one did ask you, Alvara." I couldn't help the snarl that ripped from my throat and coursed through my words.

"Honestly Sesshomaru, could you do no better?" she asked as if I hadn't spoken and warned her with a snarl. "I mean really, you're the heir to the Western Lands, you have more options than a castle rat." Her red hair was flowing softly over her shoulders and midway down the forest green dress adorning her slim shape which she was obviously trying to use to her advantage; I noticed that her voice was heavily laced with a hidden meaning when she spoke about my 'options'.

Alvara was the daughter of a very important commander in my father's army and though they did not live in the Western Lands, they lived on the very borders and she considered herself very important to the ranks of the Western Lands. "She's a pure blooded demon just like you and me, I don't see what's wrong with her." Why was my blood boiling like this, why was anger festering in my heart? But what was really perplexing was the fact that I _wanted_ to defend Alicea, like it should be my chore to do so. She gave a short tempered 'heh' and flipped her auburn colored hair behind her right shoulder, still looking up at me intently. "Wouldn't you think of me as an option?"

My lip curled back in disgust but I made no move to answer her question, thought I knew she would demand I do so in a matter of seconds. "Your father is a very important asset to my father." I replied curtly as I finally met her longing gaze.

"My father is important to your father so shouldn't I be important to you?" she was trying too hard now, much too hard. I flexed my claws in annoyance, hoping Alicea would be back soon. "Don't I look nice tonight, Sesshomaru?" She was trying to coax it out of me now, like I didn't know what she was doing, the filth. "Think what you want, I don't care."

"Are you too preoccupied in that little servant girl to pay attention to a real dog demon?" her voice was angry and verging on fuming.

"I never said I was." My teeth were gritting together to keep me under control.

"It certainly looks like it. Are you letting your heart escape with her?" She knew she was getting to me, and I did too.

"That isn't true, you and I both know that." My temper was flaring and I could feel my blood racing, my demonic energy growing.

"Then prove it, prove you don't need her." She was about to get me.

"I don't have to prove anything to you." My eyes would being glowing red if I opened them so I kept them tightly shut and my fists clenched so rigid that I could feel my claws digging into the soft flesh.

"Yes you do, if you want me to believe that you aren't after that lowly girl."

I shoved her against the wall, the red curtain on the window closing around us as I crashed my mouth onto hers. She let out a low growl and my demonic energy faded as the anger fell away from my body. She gave a satisfied, silent laugh as she touched my cheek with a light finger. "Very good, but I still don't believe you." The next few things happened in a flash, things I don't remember but I don't think I'd want to even if I was given the choice.

* * *

**A/N** I just made up those names for the two girls. The next chapter will probably be about the same length so just a little warning.


	6. Mistakes Happen

It's pretty short this time but hopefully still as good. It's been a while too...enjoy!

* * *

My hair was a mess; my head was pounding; my arm was numb from sleeping on it; my left shoulder was throbbing horribly from where she had raked her long claws down my back. I grasped the counter, the veins sticking out along my arm with the pressure I was putting on my hands, and shook my head in shame and pain. I had always known that there were consequences for your actions but this…this was intolerable, unbearable, simply too hard to push through. I had told Alicea I would wait for her but I hadn't, instead I had escaped with Alvara into my room and…

"Sesshomaru," her hands wandered over my chest, falling into the folds of my loose fitting kimono and pressing her cold skin against mine as her lips met the back of my neck. I wanted to shake her off, to have her leave me forever, but I couldn't, not after what had happened the previous night- I felt some sort of responsibility for her, like she was forced on me to look after. A sudden thought struck through me and my heart skipped a beat as I turned around and tilted her chin up to stare in relief at her neck. She smiled icily and snickered. "No, you didn't mark me. You did ask though, and even when I said you could, you never did." I released her, pushing her far away from me and resumed clutching miserably to my bathroom counter. "Aw, don't be angry Sesshomaru. You wanted that as bad as I did, even if you don't admit it. I should be getting back, Father will want to know where I've been. Do you have any suggestions to help me get out of trouble?"

"Why ask me? You've always been a good liar, always able to bend the truth to your liking to get what you want." The snarl was evident in my voice and I felt her stiffen from behind me. "Are you still crying over that? You're right Sesshomaru," she slid between the counter and myself and kissed me full on; my lip turned up in disgust. "But I never said I wanted you. You were just…something I could have, and I like my accessories." She lightly slapped my cheek and disappeared out of the room before I had time to retort. I felt tired, exhausted, like I had just run for days and days without any rest but worst of all was the feeling of shame that coursed through my blood with every heartbeat. Sooner or later- preferably later- I would have to face Alicea and give her some poor excuse for leaving her, then I would have to face Mother and Father, who probably already knew, and that wouldn't be easy either. I groaned in annoyance and shoved my fist against the wall, accidentally breaking through to the other side and exhaling through my nose to stop from doing it again. To even ask for forgiveness from Alicea would be a lowly thing to do and to plead that she understand would be no reprimand for what I had done to her.

I weighed my options as I stood in the bathroom, my fist still lodged in the wall, and discovered I had only two courses of actions I could take- One: I could go straight to the pretty little servant and beg that she forgive me and not explain what I had done when I had left her; Two: I could demand Father get rid of her, but that would only be running from my problem and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did something like that to such a deserving person. In the end, I betrayed my emotions and instead went to Mother, my head bent low in shame, and told of her what I had done, though leaving out what Alvara had eventually seduced me into.

"Sesshomaru," she consoled as she placed her arm around my shoulders and drew me against her until my head was laying underneath her chin and she was stroking back my hair lovingly; the pose was all together humiliating but Mother had felt the need to comfort me and I couldn't deny that I felt safe with her, like I was a young pup again. "You'll have to be reasonable," she murmured softly as she tucked my hair behind my ear and kissed my head, "The girl is smart, we both know that, she'll understand. You're still just a man, and she knows what that's like to put up with." I was glad she couldn't see my face- I was turning scarlet against my will, against her words.

"And just like a man, you'll have to own up to what you did, my Sesshomaru, and I know you'll do what you feel is the correct course of action. Be brave,"

She ushered me out of her room with a soft smile and I stood in the hall way for a long time, trying with out much success to gain enough control over my breath to form words in my head that would sound even remotely like a good apology. "Maybe I can put it off," I mumbled to myself as I walked down the hall with my eyes trained on the floor. "Maybe she won't even see me today. Maybe I can get away with not- oof!" I blinked in confusion as something bumped into me and I staggered back. I was gazing down into the light jade eyes of the one person I didn't want to have to speak with today, and she was holding my gaze perfectly, not even a blush flaring up on her perfect face at the thought of running into me.

"Lord Sesshomaru," she said softly as she took my hand that I had offered and brushed herself off. "I was just going to return this to your mother, thank you for letting me use it, by the way." Her smile radiated to her eyes and brightened the atmosphere- it as so infectious, I couldn't help but smile back. "I can take it to her," I offered lightly as she gave me the perfectly wrapped up dress and stared at her in hidden bewilderment; no sign of resentment, no spark of unhappiness, not even the faintest sight of sadness in her pale emerald eyes. "I'm sorry I had to leave you last night." I suddenly blurted out and instantly wished I hadn't as she smiled at me- the guilt was too much to bear. "Oh no, that's fine, I understand completely." What could she have been talking about? I hadn't even explained it to her and she wasn't the least bit upset and she already seemed to know. "Your father told me all about it," I swallowed with difficulty; how in the hell had Father heard about…about what shouldn't have been heard. "Really?" I said uneasily, "what did he tell you?"

Alicea's smile suddenly fell but her eyes brightened noticeably and she shook her head. "He said that you had important business to attend to. Something about having to go separate a fight outside the castle that he let you take his place for. I thought he was very generous for that and he asked me to pardon your absence, which I did. I had a lovely night too, thank you so much." The color suddenly flooded her face and I couldn't help but grin at that- I had missed it more than I could have imagined, like we had been away from each other for ages. "Yes, it was a nice night," I had to agree, what else could I say? "So I'll see you, maybe later today." It wasn't a question but merely a statement, leaving it up to chance like I should have let it done but I just had to intervene with fate. "Maybe you could come see me before 'later' I'd like that." She colored brightly and nodded shyly as she escaped quickly down the staircase, her black hair waving back at me as she bounced down the steps.

I smiled slowly as she disappeared from view and I turned around to Mother's room. "For you," I said when I threw the dress on her bed and she looked at me, her eyes annoyed and disapproving. "I meant you should tell her, not dazzle the poor girl until she can't think properly." Mother had an uncanny way of weaseling her way into other's thoughts- including mine, unfortunately- and I had no doubt that she had seen the whole thing played out in both Alicea and my thoughts. "Dazzle?" I repeated as I cocked my head to the side to add to the innocent act. "I don't know what you could be thinking, Mother. I had no idea I had the ability to dazzle." She let out a heavy breath through her nose and ruffled my hair.

"Get out, Sesshomaru. I'm sure you have better things to do then argue with me." Her eyes were softer now as I shut the door behind me, her lips lingering on the edge of her finger tips as she blew a kiss at me. I rolled my eyes playfully and proceeded down the hall to find Father, following his scent to the large library with the doors open just a crack. There were other scents there too, mingling with his and causing a strong odor to torrent around the handle of the doors. I had to thank him, no matter the cost, even if he was in an important meeting.


	7. Innocent Traveling?

So here's another one, just for you! I realize I'm getting more and more behind on posting these, sorry about that. But here it is, and it's new.

Innocent Traveling?

* * *

Nothing seemed amiss in the big, empty room as I stared around, the white walls of the study glaring back at me with the brightness from the setting sun. Only a lone figure standing at the far end of the room stood out among the otherwise lifeless objects in the room but as I looked at him, he too looked unanimated.

So Father hadn't been in a meeting- but then where had the smell come from? - and I wasn't interrupting anything important. I couldn't help letting out a low sigh of relief as I stepped over to him with a smile, though he didn't turn to greet me.

"Thank you."

Still he said nothing, just staring out the large window with his eyes set on nothing in particular. We stood like that for a long time- not saying a word, looking at nothing from the window- and I briefly wondered if I should make a breech into his mind like Mother could; she had taught me how to enter the minds of others but I quickly discarded the thought, wanting to preserve his privacy. "Sesshomaru," he said at last and my head shot up all too eagerly. "Will you stay here and make sure all is at peace while I'm gone?" For a moment I thought he was talking about his death, when I would become Lord of The Western Lands, but surely he couldn't be. "I'll be gone for quite some time, can you handle that?"

My thoughts raged with the hidden meaning behind his words, the deep set frown upon his face, the concentration his eyes held. "Where are you going, father?"

He seemed reluctant to answer, as if I might take it badly, but at last he responded, though I was sure he wasn't telling me everything. "I'll be going to the Northern Lands for a short while and I'll need you to stay here and protect the castle in my absence."

_Great_, I thought dejectedly, stubbornly, _he wants to keep me here just like when I was a pup, like when he was off at war while I stayed home, pretending to be important. _

The thought was bitter and malicious but it was hopeless to avoid; I would have been better off being five years old again. "Of course, father. Might I ask what business you have there?"

Again his reluctance showed but slowly, a thin smile played over his lips and he turned to me at last. "I'd rather show you when I got back, if that's alright, my son." I nodded curtly and prepared to leave but stopped with my hand on handle of the large pine door. "You're welcome, Sesshomaru." We both smiled.

* * *

I sat down heavily on the forest floor, my chin in my palm, my elbow on my knee, the picture of boredom. Did Father really have to be gone this long? I had no idea what he was planning, nor what he planned to do that long in the Northern Lands, but surely he couldn't have such important business that would keep him away this long? I didn't want to admit it- and I had taken great care over the past few weeks to block my mind from Mother- but I greatly missed my father, missed seeing him in the great hall every morning when I woke up, missed the essence he brought to the castle, missed his protective presence hovering in the walls...

"What am I talking about?" I murmured into my hand as a strand of hair floated over my right eye and I blew it away. "I sound like a pup again."

"What's so wrong about that?" the sound made me jump and I quickly got to my feet when the deep rumbling voice had called out from the forest of cherry blossom trees. I scented the air only to have my eyes light up in delighted surprise when the scent of my father drifted over the wind and not long after her emerged from the thick covering of pink trees. "Father," I greeted him warmly as I trotted forward to meet him, my eyes scoring over him, but he looked exactly the same as when he had left, no scars, no wounds, no change…except. "What is…that?" I asked curiously as I pointed to the third sword hilt on his hip, the handle wrapped in old strips of leather, looking more worn that it should have. "I told you I would show you when I got back, and I was hoping to get a little rest before I did, but I suppose there's no stopping your observant eye." My cheeks burned with embarrassment but that soon faded as Father placed his hand on the sword hilt and drew what it contained. I was sure I had gasped- who wouldn't have? - when he had unsheathed the beautiful sword for the first time. It was long and rounded at the top, strongly resembling a fang, and sharpened to perfection from the hilt to the point.

It glistened lazily in the last few stretches of sunlight, as if putting no effort into being absolutely amazing, and I slowly reached forward to touch it. "You like it Sesshomaru?" I nodded, not trusting words; even if I had, nothing would have sufficed for what I thought of the magnificent sword. "Maybe I'll have you wield it sometime, but not now, it was just forged and I don't think it's ready to be put to the test quite yet." I liked how he had said _it _wasn't ready, instead of saying that I wasn't. "So you went through all that trouble just to get a sword?" I asked as I let my hand fall back to my side, my fingers sorely missing the feel of the sword.

"Why wouldn't I? One of the best sword-forgers lives in the Northern Lands, and I thought that I should pay him a visit. I think it's quite a piece of work, and it has quite the name." I pressed forward in waiting, knowing he had paused just to irritate me. "Tetsusaiga. It'll fit in just fine with Tensiaga and Soun'ga." I had completely forgotten about the other two swords but I nodded in agreement and turned halfway back to the castle. "Mother is probably anxious to know that you're home." Was that guilt I saw on his face, splashed across his eyes? _No_, I thought as he passed me, the Tetsusaiga making a satisfied clink against his armor, _of course not. What is there to be guilty about? _

I followed him cautiously, keeping my distance as if he had some deadly disease. There was that scent again, that same foreign scent weaving its way through the air, having no business here among the scent of all the other dog demons…

That was it!

How could I have been so blind? That scent was not the scent of a fellow dog demon, but that of a human. My nose wrinkled in distaste as Father made his way up the stairs and to the room that Mother no doubt would be in, somewhat slower than usual, as if on purpose. I had grown up with humans- mostly just the odd visit from different noblemen. I didn't hate them, but I didn't like them, I was more indifferent about them. Their scent was rather displeasing and they were never as strong as demons, but other than that I found them to be odd creatures, ones that just didn't understand demons. I waited two full hours on the steps of the staircase leading upstairs for Mother or Father to come out, but I saw nothing of them for the rest of the night.

Eventually I left my useless vigil and climbed up the stairs to my own room, ready for sleep to claim me. But suddenly I stopped and turned around, hearing delicate footsteps making their way down to the doors. I crept silently back down the hall and stared curiously as a black robed figure left the castle. I followed quickly, recognizing the scent, and grabbed her shoulder to whirl her around, stunned by the antagonistic expression in her amber colored eyes. "W-where are you going?" I had never seen her look so angry, so hateful as I took my hand off her shoulder; the mere look of her made me stumble over my words. She pressed her cool hand against my cheek and the look in her gaze softened to love…and pain. "My dear Sesshomaru," she murmured as she stroked the side of my face, her fingers tracing the two crimson colored streaks along my cheeks. "My lovely son, my beautiful child." I grabbed her hand, quite worried at this point, and didn't let go until she had given me a proper explanation.

"Why are you leaving?"

A sad smile fell over her lips and she clasped her fingers around mine. "Are you blind, Sesshomaru? Or do you choose not to see it?" her voice was a scared whisper; my heart thudded painfully in my chest. "See what? What are you talking about Mother? Why are you leaving?"

"Don't be angry with your father, Sesshomaru, this was my choice. It hasn't been well for quite some time, and I hope you'll understand. My dear, dear Sesshomaru, how I love you." I shook my head and blinked in confusion. "Please explain, I don't know what you're saying."

"Come with me, Sesshomaru, and I will tell you why I'm leaving."

That night, when I left the moonlit bathed clearing Mother had led me to, without her, without a small chunk of my heart, I did what I hadn't done in a very, very long time, what I no longer thought I was capable of, what I no longer wished to do- I cried until I fell asleep, her departing words to me dancing in my dreams.


	8. The Past is the Past

So here's another one...man, I'm on a roll! For your enjoyment, here it is. Once again, thanks for the reviews, they're very helpful )

The Past is the Past...

* * *

It was an unusually bright, clear, sunny afternoon as I watched the pink cherry blossoms hit the ground with a soft little whisper, the birds chirping and flying through the unnaturally blue colored sky, the warmth of the sun overwhelming and yet pleasant at the same time. I frowned; why did everything have to be so damn perfect?

It was like nature hadn't even acknowledged Mother ever leaving, like she had never been here in the first place. I growled low through my gritted teeth. Of course not, everything knew- every leaf, every bird, every damn fluffy white cloud in the sky knew- that she had been here, that she was gone forever now, and that was why it was all coming together so nicely. The cherry blossoms were falling because they were mourning over her loss to us, silently crying as they murmured over the grass; the birds were chirping and crowing because their own hearts were aching for her; the sky was blue because it would put on its own show to seem fine, it's own little façade so everyone would know nothing was wrong, just like I would have to do. At least, this is what I would like to think. Mother was gone, and she was never coming back.

Father had assured me of that the night she had left, when we had stood together in front of the small twisting river that lead out to the ocean somewhere behind the mountains, where Mother was apparently headed to. "She'll be fine, Sesshomaru," he had said, turning to me, his silver hair glowing beneath the moon that we had followed that night. "She's a strong woman, and she knows how to care for herself. The best thing we can do is to leave her and carry on with our lives, for she will do the same." I didn't want to believe him, hadn't wanted to hear his words, but eventually he had forced me to return and I had sat outside the castle all night to await her return, but she never did come back. My nose wrinkled up in disgust now as I thought back to that moment a little over a year and a half ago, the day Mother had disappeared from my life. As I often did I thought about that stupid time, that time that I could never have back, and how Father had reassuringly clasped his hand on my shoulder, my own eyes staring back at me, my own hair softly scraping at the wind, my own everything in his face. I didn't understand why but I was somewhat revolted by how much Father and I looked alike; only the blue crescent moon shaped demon marking adorning my forehead gave me any resemblance to Mother.

Father and I were too similar, the same long silver hair, same golden eyes- which Mother had also had- but the almost exact same face, and this somehow bothered me. Father was a strong demon, one of the strongest I had ever met, so shouldn't I be proud to be his double? No, the only reason- if I was absolutely honest with myself- I was ashamed to look like him was because I believed he had driven Mother away from us. Mother had asked that I not blame him, but how couldn't I when he was the reason she left? She hadn't explained what he had done, or what he hadn't done, that had made her leave but I could only assume that is was severe.

"It isn't fair," I had muttered more to myself than to the person who had shared my room only this morning. "What isn't?"

Damn me, I was always waking her up, and I loved to watch her sleep. Oh well, there had been nothing I could do to tell her to fall back asleep for she wasn't a servant now and didn't take orders from anyone, though she still said she loved to make me happy. "Father won't tell me why Mother left." She had sat up, her emerald green eyes searching my face for the usual rant that she put up with, but I had no idea why she did, I must have been dreadfully boring. She slithered out of my grasp and positioned herself on my bare chest, her own bare chest only barely covered by the sheet separating us. "You can't always blame him, Sesshomaru," she had whispered as she had run her cool hand across my face and scratched behind my ear- just like a real dog. "It was her choice, and she knew what was best for her. Don't doubt that."

She was always consoling me, and I hated to have to put her through that, especially when she had just woken up. I had placed both hands under her arms and flipped her over, the sheet falling to the floor, our skin now touching more than ever. "I don't mean to trouble you," I had whispered as she laughed softly and kissed me reassuringly. "You don't trouble me Sesshomaru, I want to hear this. I just wish you wouldn't have to worry about it though, and if it's any condolence, I miss her as well. She was very kind, very intelligent." I had to agree with her, she was spot on. Alicea now filled some of the void that Mother's departure had created in my heart, and I was happy I had her with me, maybe forever, if I placed my fangs just right on her neck. "Nonetheless, go back to sleep, I don't want you to have to be tired tomorrow." She had complied instantly and snuggled up to my chest, her head rested just below my chin as I wrapped my arms around her. Even now she was truly mine, laying in that bed as the sun just barely peeked over the covering of clouds behind the mountains.

It was hard to think about the night before, even with the memory of Alicea's comforting lips against mine, as I stood out in the forest with my arms folded over my chest, the same scowl still in place. I was watching Father this morning, as I sometimes did, as he wielded the Tetsusaiga, trying to reveal some awesome power that it supposedly contained. He thrust it again and again into the air but still nothing happened, nothing amazing popped out of the curved sword. Father sighed in exasperated annoyance but still persisted; his arms must have been tiring from the hours he had been throwing the sword around. Suddenly he stopped, his eyes flashing wide as if he saw something I didn't- I checked the forest in front of him just incase. "Sesshomaru, can you see that?" Of course I couldn't see it, what was he talking about?

"No."

"Very well then. Stay where you are and don't come any closer." I curiously took a step forward despite his warning and watched as Father once more lifted the sword directly overhead then swung it down with all his might. An angry hiss screeched out of the blade and a blinding, yellowish white light burst from the sword, tearing down trees and ripping through the ground in its terrible speed and strength. My mouth fell open and I trotted forward to where Father stood, his own surprised expression making his eyes wide and his mouth come slightly ajar. "What was it?" we whispered at the same time and I followed the point of the sword to the ground where three or four long scar marks were gouged deeply into the grass, reaching into the ground as if incredibly powerful claws had ripped through the earth. "I felt something, saw something, smelled something." Father murmured as he swung the sword up and it retained its normal, rusted look. "It was like an energy that surrounded the blade and the forest, a…wind, almost. You didn't see it?" I shook my head and turned to the desecrated forest, the trees hanging limply from their trunks…well, the lucky ones, anyway.

"What would you call it?" I turned back to Father and pointed at the ground. "Whatever it is, it tore through the ground and at amazing rate. Just like scars…"

"That's it!" _I must have missed something_, I couldn't help thinking as I watched him sheath the Tetsusaiga and look up at me triumphantly. "The Wind Scar. The smell and the feel of the wind, the way it marks the ground after an attack." I nodded my agreement; it sounded fitting enough. I gave an inaudible sigh of depression; it would be at least another six to seven years before I would be of age to own a sword, before I could go to this forger in the Northern Lands and have him make my own blade. "Would you try it, my son?" I was shocked that he had asked but I couldn't deny the excited shiver that ran down my spine as I felt the hard sheath of the mighty Tetsusaiga fall in my hand.

So tune in next time to see the huge mess Sesshomaru gets himself into! Just kidding, thanks for reading!


	9. Suspicious Memories

Okay, so this one is a little late...ok, its really late. But I promise to make it up, somehow. It's a little shorter too, but I've been busy with...stuff. Sorry silvertaiyoukai, I promise to get the next one out faster!

* * *

Father was very supportive- especially by the ninth or tenth time I tried- but he seemed to be the only one proud of my success; the grounds keeper kept throwing me dirty looks all day. Trees fell, the earth was scratched up, things were wrecked and Father clasped me on the shoulder with his hand every time, nodding at my progress and mumbling a few things to improve on. All day I practiced and even well into the night until Father eventually took the sword back, chuckling, saying that it was time I got some rest and let Tetsusaiga recuperate from the extensive workout it had been through.

It was well past midnight when Father had come to retrieve his sword but my blood was still restless even after I had perfected my work with the Wind Scar. Acting purely on impulse, I ran off through the star bathed night, my legs below me soon changing from two, to four.

It came on suddenly and within a flash of a second I was my true self, the tall, burly, fluffy white dog that existed inside me only to be released when necessary. This must have been one of those times- a smile spread across my face, turning my lips up into a wolfish grin. Never before had I run so far, so fast, so foolishly that I hadn't even noticed that I had crossed the boundary mark into the Northern Lands- I was quite surprised, to say the least, that I found myself surrounded with snow and tall willow tress unlike the clear weather and tall sycamores of the Western Lands. I gave a pensive whine, wondering whether to trot into the clearing just beyond the boundary or turn around and return home. I stood for several minutes like that, looking back and forth, from my home in the Western Lands or the unexplored, inviting looking Northern Lands.

Hmm…the Northern Lands…that of which I had never been to…that of which Father had always told magnificent stories of…that of which my feet were subconsciously leading me to…

I trotted forward with my ears erect and tail swishing and my heart drumming in my chest. Father had never said this territory was forbidden, it wasn't as if I was doing something I shouldn't have been, but then again Mother had always told me that the Northern Lands were not a place for play or sparring. Mother…

I shook her from my thoughts, more determined now than ever before, and increased my pace to a lazy lope as I deepened my journey into the Northern Lands. There were many new things to find in the Northern Lands, like new trees, new rivers, new strange smells, new stars to see, new mountains to peer at, new places to roam about freely as the moon chased me.

After my little excursion I began to make my way back to the boundary, following my own giant paw prints in the snow and covering them as I went along, and soon found myself making my way back home, my curiosity satisfied, my blood no longer restless. Not long after I breeched the boundary line I changed back into my human appearance; my warm, safe fur disappearing into the white kimono I was in. Damn my demon energy- now I was freezing. I scented the air gently and turned, noting that the snow would soon catch up with me and cover the Western Lands within the night and, deciding it wasn't of much importance, followed a scent of spicy forest leaves.

I weaved my way through the trees and nosed the air once more and finding that the scent was not of leaves but of ginger and something close to cinnamon…it was rather pleasing. I closed my eyes and, trusting my nose to prevent me from bumping into any shadowed object, I followed the scent through the forest until it came to an abrupt halt. I opened my eyes to find myself back home; the lights from the windows glowing in welcoming as I approached the doors warily as if something would jump out and attack me.

But there was nothing when I opened the door, just Father's stale scent and my own scent lingering almost unnoticeably farther up the stairs. "Sesshomaru, there you are. You were out late, my son." I looked to my left to see Father walking with his long strides down the hall, his boots clicking on the tile and a knowing expression in his eyes. "Yes father, I was…"

"Unnecessary to explain." He said curtly and I cocked my head before giving a disbelieving snort; he thought I had been visiting Alicea and…well, what else would I have done until it was nearly day break? "As you wish," I muttered quickly and bounded up the steps but Father was unusually inquisitive tonight. "Will I see you in the morning?"

"Yes father,"

"Are you going to be ready when I call for you?"

"Yes father."

"Will you be focused enough to spar?"

"Yes father."

"Are you lying to me?"

"No father."

"Very well, carry on."

I would have normally bid him a good night but he had put me in a rather foul mood and so I merely climbed the rest of the stairs and made my way down the hall to my room. My hand rested on the handle when my head suddenly shot up, my nose twitching in faint remembrance. I released the handle slowly, my brain not trusting my sensitive nose, and quietly made my way down the hall to the study room where Father must have been before he had greeted me at the door. I stopped just outside the room, realizing how foolish and completely childish I must have looked creeping around like I was, and my nose gave another twitch. I couldn't believe it; it was very faint and very discreet but it was there, that same pleasing scent of the ginger and cinnamon.

* * *

Cliffhanger, I know, but I'll have the next one out as soon as possible.


	10. The Perception of Anger

So, once again, this is really late. All the same, I hope its enjoyable.

* * *

The abundant light from the full moon outside was just beginning to be filtered into my room by the time I sat down on my bed, gripping my knees with my hands so roughly that I could feel my claws entering my skin. I held my breath; I didn't blink; my whole body was rigid; my mind was shut off; I was entirely numb; nothing existed anymore. Somewhere in the forgotten, unused, temporarily not working part of my brain, there seemed to be a trigger of emotion that sent something racing through my blood but the overwhelming sense of emptiness engulfed me and there was nothing inside me but the hollowness. At last, when my lungs demanded air, my eyes deserved a brake, and my knees pleaded me to stop shearing them, my body let go in one swift movement, like a candle being snuffed out.

I took in a huge breath of fresh air and I relaxed, though I still sat erect on the edge of my bed, staring at the floor. And then it came; the torrent of screaming emotions, threatening to overrun me with hopelessness.

Father had done the unthinkable; Mother had left for a good reason; I was angry; everything was a shattered lie. Quickly taming the anger in my heart so it didn't splash across my face, I stood up and made my way to the balcony just past the large glass doors with the long, dark blue curtains that billowed softly in the wind. I released a ragged breath, ashamed of these feelings, angry with Father, not willing to understand what I had seen earlier that morning. I had run all day the previous day to reach the Northern Lands and I had run most of the night to come back; I had lied to Father when I told him I would be ready when he called for me.

But I had sated my curiosity, and I almost wished I hadn't. Finding the odd scent lingering at the door to the study the other night had driven me back to the Northern Lands in pursuit of the strange smell and when I had found the owner I couldn't deny that I had been mildly shocked. I had stood at the edge of the forest comfortably pressed up against the side of a peaceful looking castle; not much out of the ordinary. Except, I had thought as I spied a few of the guards just waking up near the entrance of the courtyard, this was a human castle. I suppose I shouldn't have been that suspicious; I knew before then that the Northern Lands were a strong supporter of a human population so why should I single this place out as unusual? But as I silently surveyed the area and nosed the air once more I found Father's scent clinging like a beacon to one portion of the castle slightly cut off from the rest.

My eyes- much more advanced than the humans who were totally ignorant of my presence- scored over the little section and as I dared to inch forward, I suddenly stopped, my heart thundering nervously in my heart and my breath automatically stopping. There she was; the human with the scent. She was, in my opinion, probably one of the fairer looking female humans, with long cascading locks of rich black hair, eyes like the inky night sky, and a scent that made my nose twitch curiously; but what did I know about humans? I examined her quietly as she cleaned up around her section of the castle, the care she took to make everything so perfect and neat making me a little amused; Mother had often worked to make everything look nice for Father when he came back from his long battles.

A pang struck my heart at the thought but I ignored it; now was not the time to be sentimental. I peered closer at the woman- also keeping my eyes on the guards so that they didn't wander too close to my hiding place- and began to ponder why her scent had been so far in the Western Lands back at my home. I sniffed again at the air, just to smell the oddly appealing scent, and this time the breath caught in my throat.

A choke threatened to reveal my place and my eyes stung as I held it back. It took every ounce of self control not to spring at the woman and question her; why was Father's scent weaving its way towards me? Why was his scent here, of all places? Why was it near the woman? Why was…

My eyes widened and I crushed the limb of the tree I was holding to steady myself, the crack alerting one of the guards. For a moment I considered killing him, to take my anger out on this pathetic human, but then, just as he neared me and would have surely seen me, I jumped away and circled the end of the castle so that I still had a good view of the woman. I continuously drew in long breathes of air so that the scent rubbed over the glands on my tongue and I could taste it.

Yes, it was definitely Father, and there was definitely something beyond even that. As I crouched low in the undergrowth just inside the safety of the trees, I noted that, even though her kimono did give her enough free room to move about, there was a slight bulge just below her stomach.

Few possibilities that were feasible ran through my mind; only one, I knew, was right. Just under the woman's scent and under Father's was the most curious scent I had ever smelled; it was like mine, though very unlike mine. And the presence there that I could sense had a youkai aura, yet at the same time human, but it was powerful like Father's and like mine. After several long minutes crouched in my well concealed hiding place, I relieved my sore muscles and stood, quickly moving through the forest and following my scent back to the border of the Western Lands.

It wasn't until I was a few miles within the border that I stopped and clenched my fists, my claws scraping at the skin on my palm and digging light cuts into them. My first thought was anger- how could Father do something so absolutely unheard of? - the next was sadness- that was what had driven Mother away, I was sure of it now- and the third was a deep void forming in my heart, like the rift formed in the ground after the Wind Scar had gouged the ground with its demonic power.

I stood for an immeasurable amount of time before my knees began to lock underneath me and I found myself speeding through the forest back to home, back to Father. As I closed in on the tall, looming castle in front of me, I realized I had thought of nothing to say to him, that traitorous, disloyal bastard. No, I thought in reserved anger, Father was at the very least a bastard; there were many worse things I wished to call him. I stepped into the foyer after I had swung open the doors and slammed them behind me and I saw on the steps, there waiting for my return, was Father, his long silver hair touching the steps he was sitting on. "So you've come back," he said as he got up and offered a 'good evening' that I didn't return.

"You look terrible, son." He said as his eyes were suddenly guarded yet worried. "Where did you head off to so early; you were gone most of the day. Or is that a secret?" A smile touched his lips but it quickly vanished when I made no move to respond. Father blinked in confusion when still I remained silent but he waited until I finally spoke. "What is love, Father?" I could tell I had greatly caught him off guard; not once had I ever inquired about such a delicate subject. "Love, Sesshomaru? That's an odd question, I'll admit. Why do you ask?"

"Simply for the sake of knowing."

"Of all the things to know you wish to attain knowledge of that? Love is…your mother and I loved each other."

I let out an inaudible snort; what a poor example.

"Love, I suppose, is the emotion they describe when you feel greatly for someone, when you want to protect them, want them to be happy, want nothing but their well being. It's a complicated emotion, of that I'm sure."

"Would you ever love a human, Father?"

"A human? Are they so different from demons?"

"Yes, very much so. Would you, Father?"

"I don't see why not."

I let a short pause flow between us and for a moment I thought he would ask what I was getting at but then his eyes flooded with understanding and he let out a heavy sigh.

"Ah, I see now. You were always an inquisitive one, sometimes nosy too."

"You don't think I have the right to know?"

"You have the right, just not now."

"Did you ever plan to tell me?"

"When I knew that you'd take it well, not when you'd go sticking your nose somewhere it doesn't belong."

"I don't belong in this family?" I questioned, the anger bubbling up inside me. "It's that little half-breed brat that you've bred that doesn't belong." Father looked thoroughly taken aback but I didn't regret my words, quite the opposite actually, I felt like letting all my thoughts be free. "Half-breed? He's your brother, Sesshomaru, and he will belong in this family and you will accept him."

"Accept him?" I spat, my eyes glowing. "I could never accept such a waste of flesh like that half-breed. And do not try my patience by saying he is _my_ brother, he is nothing to me."

"You are angry Sesshomaru, and maybe bitter, but you don't mean it."

"You have no perception of anger."

Father, his amber colored eyes unblinking and wise, stared at me with disappointment and something close to sadness; I suddenly wished I hadn't made such a fool of myself by acting so childish. "What a shame that you've tarnished our blood, Father." I said as I met his eyes once more and climbed the staircase to my room, feeling the waves of anger once again as the scent of that woman, that_ human_ woman and her little half-breed burden, still sticking to the walls in the corridor.

_Father_, I thought as I sat on my bed to watch the playing shafts of moonlight on the tile floor. _A human, Father? And her half-breed son. You've weakened us, Father_. But as I looked out to the great expanse of endless land beyond my window, I could think nothing of the human woman, or what Father had done, nor about Mother or any other part of out now thinned bloodline, my thoughts were elsewhere, somewhere pack in the past where everything was easy, like when Mother was still here and I was young and I would get in trouble with this horrible curiosity of mine, this cursed curiosity.


End file.
